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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25584526">Pure and Certain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gremlinpolice/pseuds/gremlinpolice'>gremlinpolice</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Zombies Run!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Agender Character, Agender Runner 5, Other, POV Second Person, Season 3 Spoilers, idk i just listened to s3m46 and had feelings, soft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:15:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,816</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25584526</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gremlinpolice/pseuds/gremlinpolice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Runner Five has returned to Abel Township after a rough couple of days and reunites with their favorite coms operator.<br/>*SPOILERS* up to S3M46<br/>Mentions of major character deaths</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Runner Five/Sam Yao</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Pure and Certain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was raining when the gates opened. </p>
<p>You staggered in, exhausted, broken, defeated. Simon was right-- they would forgive you, but you would never forgive yourself. Looking up, you see the destruction the zoms had caused-- that you had caused, and see Janine, arms crossed and expression listless. She looked tired too, everyone did. She waved her hand, indicating for you to follow, and you kept your distance. </p>
<p>"Welcome back, Five. I'm sure you don't need much of a debrief but seeing as we've lost track of you for the past 28 hours, we'd like Maxine to take a look at you, run some tests, make sure you're back with us 100%. There's been extensive damage to the shower block, but it's not like anyone here hasn't gone a week without bathing before. Other than that, Runner Four has suffered a minor concussion, and Sam Yao... Well, you can see him for yourself. Come along." She didn't look at you. </p>
<p>When you get to Dr. Myers, Jody is there laying on a cot-- a butterfly bandage above her right eyebrow, and a nasty bruise on her jaw. You wince, examining your hands, remembering how her flesh felt under your fists. It felt good. She gives you a weak smile as you walk by. All you can do is wave back.</p>
<p>"Five, it's good to see you. Thank you, Janine, I can take it from here," Maxine greets as you enter the examination room. Janine leaves wordlessly, closing the door behind her. You face Dr. Myers, sitting at her cluttered desk, who looks like she has been awake the entire time you've been under Moonchild's influence. You know it's your fault. </p>
<p>"Don't mind her, she'll come around. She's not mad at you, just-" Maxine pauses, undoubtedly thinking up an excuse for Janine's behavior, "She's shaken from dealing with Simon. We're all a bit shaken, not as shaken as you, though. How do you feel?" You perch gingerly on a wobbly chair across from her, wary of getting too comfortable. Her voice is so soothing that for a second, you can't remember what's wrong. </p>
<p>You swallow nervously, even though you didn't have anything to hide-- Moonchild had used you to do truly awful things that everyone got to see-- nothing that happened in your absence was worse than that. Slowly, you went through everything you could remember. The hallucinations, voices, feeling like the contents of your head had been scooped out and rearranged, and of course, the pure bliss you felt when you had finally stopped fighting it. </p>
<p>"I know it can be scary, how good it feels to... obey. I remember the ecstasy I felt when I was under her control, and I'm terrified all the time that I might hurt someone again to try to feel that again, but we both know that it won't be the same. You fought so hard, Five, and everyone is still alive. No one blames you for what happened," Maxine takes your hand, a feeble yet genuine attempt at comforting you, "If anything, they blame the ministry for not keeping better tabs on its personnel-- first Amelia and now Isabel, but they couldn't have known about her," she chuckles dryly, offering a small smile. You smile back, you know that it's useless to make her feel any worse than she already does, than you already do. </p>
<p>"Well, hop up on the exam table, we've got to run some tests and hope you don't start necrotizing," Maxine states, stretching her arms up as she stands. You close your eyes, savoring the first moment of peace you've had in days.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>You were halfway to the shower block before you remember what Janine had said earlier, The shower block is damaged, Jody has a concussion, and Sam Yao... You can see him for yourself. Sam... Recounting the events of your attack on Abel, you shiver in disgust. Even though he was in danger, he never stopped believing that you wouldn't hurt him. This isn't you, you don't want to do this!  He was right-- you hadn't wanted to hurt him, you could never want to hurt him, or anyone else in Abel for that matter. Moonchild's grip on you was so tight though, and you fought so hard that you couldn't even remember what had happened to him. </p>
<p>Pulse quickening, you turned to jog to the comms shack with fear in your eyes. It was late, too late for there to be any missions, but you know Sam. He often spent the evenings tidying up the place so that Janine didn't get on his case, cleaning headsets, or just wasting time before he went to sleep. </p>
<p>You had spent a few sleepless nights in there with him, sometimes Jody joined, Paula, Ed, and once when he was on a ton of pain killers, Evan. You would reminisce about life before the outbreak, make fun of Janine, and sometimes dream about life after the end of the world. But most of the time, you would sit in silence, knowing that the company of somebody else who understands is enough to set you at ease. </p>
<p>Rapping your knuckles on the door three times, you barge into the small hut, praying to whatever gods that are still around that he would be there and intact. </p>
<p>"I told you I don't have any Curly Wurly’s, Jo-" Sam had spun around in his chair to face the door, a look of annoyance that melted into one of relief when he saw your face, "Five? Bloody hell, I've been worried sick! How are you feeling?" he asks, standing up to meet you at the door. You don't blink, your eyes locked on his every move, assessing him for signs of damage or distress. He stands in front of you, arms hanging loosely at his sides, a little confused but still understanding of your hesitance.</p>
<p>"You're... okay..." you offer meekly, gazing at him with wide eyes. He nods his head, placing his hands on your shoulders, grounding you to him. You exhale slowly, all the tension leaving your body, at least for now.</p>
<p>"Yeah, Five, I'm okay," he confirmed, his voice softening. He meant it.</p>
<p>You're not sure what pushes you over the edge-- the fact that he's safe, that you're utterly exhausted, or that even after all you did, he wasn't afraid. You collapse against his chest, body racked with sobs, choking out I'm-sorry's every so often. He holds you tightly to him, taking on your weight and stroking your hair. You let yourself be held, remembering how it was usually you that was comforting Sam, and you would have been amused if you didn't feel like your world was caving in. The last time you had broken down like this was before the outbreak; of course, you had cried since then, you had lost plenty of people you cared about, but never like this. The pain had never been your fault. You never had to hear your best friend beg you for his life. </p>
<p>After a few minutes, Sam grew tired to holding up the both of you and gently sank you both to the floor, cradling you to him like a baby. You couldn't help but feel a little silly, being a grown up and being held like this made you feel so small, but it's what you need right now. </p>
<p>With eyes wet and puffy, you gaze up at him, and you notice he's started to cry too; not as violently as you, but still.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry," you manage to whisper, sniffling. </p>
<p>He shakes his head, a stray tear falling on to your hand; he chuckles as he wipes it away. "There's nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't you," you open your mouth to protest, but let him continue, "I could hear Moonchild through your headset, everyone could, she was telling you to kill me, and you wouldn't. She had to turn up the frequency of the mind control device thingy so high that I thought it would bust before you gave in. You still didn't give in, not completely. You were still fighting in there, Five, you saved me. You saved yourself," he finishes, pressing a kiss to your forehead and squeezing your arm lightly. You wince, still sore from all the running, and then the poking and prodding from Maxine's tests. Sam freezes.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, was that weird? I didn't mean to make it weird... You're just one of my closest friends and I-" he stops his stammering when he realizes that your sobs aren't sobs anymore, but laughter, "What's so funny?" </p>
<p>"Nothing, you're just cute when you get nervous," you smile, your cheeks getting hot. You crane your neck up to kiss his cheek, instantly feeling his arms relax around you. He smiles back.</p>
<p>"You think I'm cute?" he asks, raising his eyebrow. You roll your eyes and lean your head back on his chest, feeling the faint yet steady beat of his heart.</p>
<p>"Well, not right now. Neither of us look very cute,"</p>
<p>"I still think you're cute," Sam says quietly, as if to himself. It's your turn to go still. Shit. You look up at him, eyes wide. Did he mean that? He couldn't have meant it. Not in the way that you wanted him to, of course. Did you want him to mean it that way? </p>
<p>"I'm just... tired. I'm tired of pretending that you're not the coolest person that I know, that I don't care about you more than I maybe should. This whole mind-control mess has made me think about how important it is to just be ourselves, so that's what I'm trying to be. I really like you, Five, and I think you like me too?" He knits his eyebrows together, clenching his jaw. He was right, of course he was right. It was the end of the world for Christ's sake-- what have you got to lose? Still, his declaration shocks you slightly. You remain silent, searching for the words.</p>
<p>His face falls, "Right, it's okay, I misunderstood our- our rapport, I guess. I hope this doesn't make things too awkward betwee-" </p>
<p>You can't find the words, so you decide to act, kissing him gently. He's caught off guard, but after a second to catch up he relaxes against your lips, pulling you closer. There were no words for what you feel for Sam. </p>
<p>You pull back so that your faces are just inches apart, "I think you're the coolest person I know." Your voice is soft, and a small smile plays on your lips. You're crying again, you both are, but not from sadness or pain or regret-- for joy, for pure and certain joy. He leans in to kiss you again, gentle and unhurried, as if he wants to savor every moment of it. You smile against his lips, savoring every moment.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i just had a lot of feelings and wrote this in like a few hours so it's definitely not perfect but we always need more zombies run! content tbh &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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